What hosting a retreat taught me about yoga
From challenging fear and perfectionism to finding security and freedom, this retreat was a prime example of yoga's impact on the heart.
Just over a week ago, I hosted my first yoga retreat. The day of the retreat was loaded with emotion as I witnessed year’s worth of ideas, excitement, and healing coming together.
Creating this container was purposeful, driven by a want to share the depths of yoga with community to allow connection in a way that doesn’t often exist in a 60-minute studio practice.
But, despite my passion, this retreat almost didn’t happen. You see, over the last few years, I’ve made several attempts to host a retreat. For various reasons, none of those efforts materialized. For a while, I took this as a sign that I wasn’t supposed to lead retreats, that it was too much, and that I couldn’t hold the space.
I came to a place of saying “no” every time the idea of a retreat popped up in my mind.
With time, I realized maybe things not working out was a sign of “not yet” rather than “no” or “never” - maybe there was something I hadn’t seen yet that needed to come together.
As I opened myself back up to the idea of guiding a retreat, I noticed what didn’t feel right before. The time, space, and people needed to be reconsidered. It didn’t have to be an overstimulated, exhausted trip far away for an extended period of time. No.
What I have to offer is different. I wanted to meet my community’s needs, which include affordable, local options with accessible and diverse practices. I also knew that for my sensory and energy needs, a small, intimate container would allow me to share best.
From there it felt like years of ideas realigned and fit together perfectly. I knew one-day retreats based on seasonal needs would be my offering.
From planning to post-retreat processing, I’ve felt big shifts within myself. It all comes back to the sentiment that we are students first and that yoga is most powerful off the mat.
I challenged my fear that I couldn’t or shouldn’t lead and listened to the clear message of capability within me. It pulled me back to my Sankulpa, my purpose, which is to see and to share. I am a witness, a projector, and a creator.
I came back to this affirmation many times as I planned the spring retreat - “I have so much to share.”
As I built the framework for the retreat, I knew I wanted a partner to help bring this to life. I approached a local studio owner and friend, Morgan, to be this partner and co-host. As we met, emailed, texted, and worked together to create this retreat, I felt healing happening. They say we heal in relationships, and that is what I felt. Morgan was a witness to my ideas, a celebrator of what could be, a helper, and a motivator.
After years of working solo on big ideas and dreams, it felt vulnerable to ask for help and work through this process with someone else. In the moments that I could feel my worry building, it was powerful to have a partner who didn’t stress about perfection and who trusted it was all going to work out just as it needed to.
During the retreat, I felt centered, ready, and free to be myself. We moved through deep practices that honored yoga’s roots, and the participants leaned all the way in. They laughed together, expressed vulnerability, and built lasting connections.
As the retreat ended, I felt was flooded with a sense of peace, confidence, and love. I cried so much that night - a release of prior limiting beliefs, replaced with trust and connection.
After the retreat I woke up at 2:00AM realizing we forgot to give our retreat guests their custom t-shirts. At first, there was panic. This mistake threatened to unwind all of the joy I was holding from the day because I’m really hard on myself for forgetting anything. But, I sat there and put myself back to sleep with the repeated messages that all was not ruined. It helped knowing I could text Morgan later (at a decent hour) and tell her we forgot. I knew she wouldn’t be mad or think we ruined anything.
We did our best and people had a meaningful experience. And, t-shirts are awesome, but we can mail them.
Two days after the retreat, I was sick. I had to cancel all of my campus classes and find subs for all of the yoga classes I was supposed to guide. At first I was disappointed and stressed. I hate missing things, falling behind, not meeting expectations, and asking for help.
Then I realized something powerful was happening. I look at illness as a question - what is my body releasing, what has it processed?
When I thought about the answer, I laughed. I just lead a seasonal shift retreat, something my heart and mind have been working to create for a long time. I worked through old patterns, deep fears, and found new ways to bring my purpose through to the world. I was met with sincere feedback of my capabilities and the space that I hold, and now I had to surrender.
This surrender felt like the soul asking me to pause, process, and accept who and what I am. It hasn’t felt easy. I’ve slipped back into thoughts that I’m not worthy this week because I couldn’t show up like some expect me to each day. Thank goodness I know that’s not true.
5 Ways I Practiced Yoga Last Week
Svadhyaya (self study): Attempting to rest, I witnessed how much I still try to do things or resist rest. As I noticed this during the week, I tried to stay present in rest and just watch where my mind went and how my body felt.
Dharana (concentration): I focused on checking in with my body many times a day to ask what it needed. Instead of focusing on being sick, I focused on what my body must be letting go and what it needs to shift. I repeated, “I am healing.”
Ishvara pranidhana (surrender): Why is this always so hard? Seriously, surrender is the hardest part of yoga for me. My whole week felt like a surrender practice. Even after I cancelled classes, I found myself looking for other ways to work and stay on top of things or get ahead. The more I tried, the more I felt I was forcing something. The feeling came with a message: Rest. Stop. Really. There’s no prize in force, it will cost you more if you keep going like this.
This post helped too!
Pranayama (breathing): Slowly moving air through passage ways feels like a lot of work when your nose is stuffed and your throat hurts. Coming back to slow breathing helped me process fear and trust my body this week.
Asana (physical postures): Poses near the floor with all the props were the most supportive this week when I did venture out of bed to the mat.
5 Ways You Can Practice Yoga This Week
Svadhyaya (self study): Explore your sankulpa this week - what is your purpose? Where do you feel alive? What brings you joy and connection?
Dharana (concentration): Leave your phone in another room as you concentrate on being with yourself or your loved ones.
Ishvara pranidhana (surrender): Instead of forcing something that ends up not working this week, consider what other options exist.
Pranayama (breathing): Take a breath in and blow the air out, copying the energy of March winds. Allow your body to move freely - you might sit and move your body in a circle as you move the air around with your breath.
Asana (physical postures): Try poses like lotus, butterfly, and frog to mirror nature as you practice.
The remainder of this post contains special content for paid subscribers, including three spring yoga practices, a focus on the niyamas, weekly affirmations, and a community call to action.
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