Ego check not ego death

Don't let the woke folk guide you towards self destruction just to feel like you're advancing in your healing journey. Instead, keep your self-identity, ditch healing, and start living wildly.

It’s frustrating to watch wellness influencers and coaches constantly misuse terms, misappropriate practices, and sell healing in a way that jeopardizes sensitive populations.

Maybe it’s because I just finished watching Apple Cider Vinegar on Netflix this week or maybe it’s the seasonal urge to purge, but I’m feeling called to encourage you to ditch your new-age, self-purported gurus and healers and reclaim your autonomy and identity.

So many people in the wellness space hype up the need to kill the ego to move deeper into a spiritual journey. These words make me roll my eyes and gage like a middle schooler expressing disgust.

Why? Because killing the ego the way it’s discussed on the internet today means losing your self-identity. Killing the ego would prime you to be influenced by others without the proper tools or skills to take care of yourself. Our judgment and ability to relate and define ourselves is critical to our survival. Imagine the manipulation, control, and abuse that can occur if you don’t know who you are or that you have rights to your own identity.

If you don’t have your ego to help you deploy judgment and utilize discernment to stay safe, you won’t be healed - you’ll be duped. Your judgment is not your enemy - it’s a lifeline.

So where did all this talk about ego death come from? Some of it came from ancient cultural practices where meditation and/or hypnosis were used to help people reach an altered state. In that state, an individual may gain clarity about their sense of self and how they relate to the world around them.

The term “ego death” was defined by Carl Jung as a reordering of the psyche with the liberating potential to reset consciousness to align with the natural self. He discussed that ego death would be achieved by reconciling conflicting archetypes. Many psychonauts have also explored how psychedelics may help individuals move through an ego death. The idea is that substances can catapult us into self awareness as we dissolve old restrictive beliefs and move from focusing on ourselves to remembering that we are part of something larger.

Whether its through ancient religious practices or substance-supported exploration, an ego death was never meant to be a permanent release of one’s self identity. And, that’s preciously what many in the wellness space get wrong today. Just like we see folks pushing toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing, calls to kill your ego also perpetuate harm and fundamentally misunderstand what it takes to build a kind, resilient, unfuckwithable soul.

The goal is never to literally kill off all parts of the ego. Don’t fall for that.

Instead, practice checking your ego, not destroying it. Here are few ideas on how to do just that:

• Meditate: Sit in stillness, connect to the breath, and progressively relax the muscles. Allow your mind to run, using each breath to slow the thoughts. As you rest, you might notice how the mind softens and let’s you come back to what is most important and true. In those moments, we often feel and connect back to the oneness with the universe.

• Practice Mindfulness: During the moments in life where you are challenged, frustrated, or not feeling tolerant, use your breath to slow down your reactions. This could be when parenting, talking with friends, or debating with people who have different beliefs than you. Be mindful of others’ rights, safety, and what is most likely to bring understanding to the situation.

• Embrace Gratitude: Nothing is too small or superficial to be thankful for. Be thankful for your clothes, family, favorite water bottle, and friendships. Be thankful for a blue-sky day, awesome nail art, your phone, and your favorite snack. Remember gratitude impacts our brains significantly and helps us access empathy.

• Ask Questions: Be curious. Show that you want to listen to understand rather than to respond.

• Let Other Opinions Exist: We don’t have to agree on everything, and we certainly aren’t becoming a better culture by cancelling those with whom we don’t agree. You don’t need the last word or for everyone to see it your way.

• Practice Self Study, Release, and Kindness: Use the limbs of yoga to let yourself be wrong, to apologize, and to keep learning.

I think you’ll find that this approach focuses on your wholeness rather than encouraging you to hack off and disclaim parts of yourself. Healing has become a business, and people make money when they can make you feel inadequate, incomplete, and without power.

Don’t forget that no one heals you, you heal yourself by stepping into your unique and mighty power. You have a right to be here and to be yourself. Don’t abandon that. But, also remember others have the same right. Don’t take it from them.

5 Ways I Practiced Yoga Last Week

1. Pratyahara (withdrawal): I had some great sleep this weekend - sleep is a natural withdraw practice.

2. Dharana (focus): Even though I feel stressed by all the things that have to be completed in the next three weeks, I’ve found some ability to compartmentalize and focus on one task at a time.

3. Saucha (cleanliness): Spring is a great time to cleanse, and that has meant some dietary changes in this house as we support our bodies.

4. Pranayama (breathing): As I presented student achievements at a campus event, I reminded myself to breathe and focus on what was most important - the students!

5. Asana (physical movement): This week I subbed a few extra classes and was able to move each day. It felt great. I noticed a lot of twists coming through the flows and balance work.

5 Ways You Can Practice Yoga This Week

1. Pratyahara (withdrawal): Evaluate if there are any behaviors or relationships you would like to pause or step away from for a while.

2. Dharana (focus): Focus on celebrating those wins. Look for the glimmers and focus on the sparkle.

3. Saucha (cleanliness): Feed yourself some greens and sip lots of hydrating beverages.

4. Pranayama (breathing): As the season moves faster, remember to take one breath before you move forward.

5. Asana (physical movement): Play outside this week!

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